Ok boys, you’re not going to like this post, because you probably won’t get it. That is, unless you’re one of those super-sensitive-secret romantics, or just a really nice guy that allow the women in your life to watch ALL the chick flick/romantic comedies they desire.

If you fall into this category, male or female, you’ll get the references to Meryl Streeps fabulous portrayal of Anna Wintour in “The Devil Wears Prada.” Notice the title?

My best friend in pastry class is a two-time former Miss California. She’s also a whip cracker, potty mouthed, 30 year old who lives on the Upper East Side with her husband, and dog Alfred. She names all her plants, buys expensive food, clothes, wine, and finds it comical beyond belief, that it took me 2 months to get internet in my third floor walk up.

That, and the fact that I can’t afford to buy myself “white truffle sea salt.” It’s a MUST for her.

But she’s fabulous, and when push comes to shove on days when I spend nearly half my day in the kitchen, she’s my best friend.

Its incredible how close you become with people you share a kitchen with. The same is true for family situations or a friend’s dinner party, the idiosyncrasies of an individual become pronounced.

After reigning the crown (well, almost) of California, my friend was one of the country’s head buyers for Nordstrom, where she was cordially known as “The Devil Wears Jimmy Choo.”

On days such as today, when I start to wonder how many idiots are in my class, and how it seems like the kitchen is sometimes a magnet for the dumbest people alive … (ever wonder why all those competition cooking shows are so entertaining) … she pulls out a one liner, in perfect Meryl, playing Anna, tone EVER.

All of a sudden I’ll hear, “Why is no one reaadddy?” or “No, no, that wasn’t a question.” And then purse her lips.

Since she seems to be the only other person in the class besides me that feels uglier than a twelve-year old school boy wearing whites and Dansko clogs, it works magically. I think one of the most important things in the kitchen is chemistry. Without it, you don’t want to be there.

Thank God for girls in the kitchen that still like to wear nail polish, buy expensive shoes, watch fashion movies, AND love to cook. Believe me Nigella Lawson, Padma Lakshmi, and Giada didn’t get anywhere without a little bit of feminine grace.

Today’s battles: oat bread, croissants, and pizza dough.

Our course is broken up into three sections. Yesterday marked the completion of my first section. Both relief and fear filled me as I exited the kitchen after our cake … 1/3 done, yet the hardest is right in front of me.

The conclusions I’ve made from my first section are invaluable. I’ve compiled a list of the top ten most interesting, funny, and beneficial things I’ve learned thus far – none of which have anything to do with the actual food or recipes. Kitchen Life Lessons one might say.

And trust me these are all entities I’ve experienced first hand.

1. Don’t attempt to carry multiple flats of eggs after a long day of being critiqued by the chef. You are stressed, you will freak out, you will drop them, and you will be hollered at.
2. Don’t count on family meal being good. Generally it’s not. Always pack a backup, especially if you have low blood sugar …
3. You get dirty working with chocolate. It makes sense, but you don’t realize how dirty, so learn ways to manipulate your whites into looking clean even if they’re not, i.e. rolling your sleeves (multiple times), buttoning your jacket on the other side, etc.
4. Stay away from the compost bin when you’re hung over. It looks like the inside of a toilet and smells like rotten garbage.
5. When you make buttercream by the pound you can wash until the cows come home but your hands will STILL smell like and feel as though they are covered in butter.
6. Eclairs are more phallic looking than the Washington Monument.
7. Always look busy. Even if you’re not. This can be achieved by walking around the kitchen at a fast pace and/or carrying a rag and sporadically wiping countertops or anything in sight.
8. The kitchen is often freeeeeezing, so during demonstrations (that sometimes ramble on much past the point of necessary) it is key to secure a good standing position that closest to the ovens.
9. Anyone who throws dinner parties know this: clean as you go. I can’t stress this enough. No one wants to end a day (or night) cleaning ALL the dishes.
10. Know at the end of the day, you get to leave. Its just class, its just a cake, its not curing cancer. Its supposed to be fun, so let it be.

So the day turned out not so bad, great in fact! My fabulous room mate and I signed a lease and I made an onion, walnut, blue cheese, and tomato tart for dinner(!) and homemade fig newtons for dessert! Check ‘em out! Recipe for the fig newtons will follow … you’ll NEVER eat another store bought in your life.